Looking at the Sidelines Len
by XxAdelheidxX
Summary: I want to love you. But I'm not allowed to. LenxRin Sequel to Watching from the Sidelines. Rated T for a reason


Looking at the Sidelines Len

A/N: Finally here! Sequel fic to Watching from the Sidelines Rin. It's your choice whether you read this first or not, but I highly suggest you read Rin's side first.

I won't make this long, so enjoy!

Warning: Spell-check, self-harm, cussing, and grammar.

Disclaimer: I don't own.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

LOOKING AT THE SIDELINES

_I want to love you._

But I'm not allowed to. It's funny, how fate has such a twisted sense of humor. They accept gay, lesbian, even allowing them marriage! I mean, no offense to them, I am all pro's with it, but why can't I love my sister the way I want to love her?

If it was so forbidden to touch her, why didn't anyone try to stop me from feeling this towards her? I tried to forget. Fucking didn't work at all.

The only solution? Distraction.

And as much as it worked the first few weeks, it was getting harder and harder to ignore my cute… no, beautiful… that's not right, _gorgeous_ Rin asking me why I'm avoiding her and such.

I didn't mean to avoid her, honestly, but how else would I be able to not just jump her and kiss her senseless and not let her freak out.

I mean, sure we don't have parents anymore, but we have a guardian, Lilith, who wasn't even anywhere near related to us. She's more like a foster parent actually, and a single mother at that.

She didn't have the chance to see her child though, after it was born. It, considering she didn't know what gender her baby was before her husband, scratch that, ex- husband took their baby away from her and vanished into thin air.

Well, enough about Lilith, I'm here to talk about Rin.

Ah yes, Rin. My ever so wonderful, lovable, naïve, innocent and pure Rin.

My _sister_. How I despise the word.

It's not like I'm afraid of showing my love this kind of love towards her, and I'm not even afraid what others would say about my feelings for her. What I'm afraid of is, she'll reject me and never look at me the same way again. Never smile at me like how she's smiling the sweet smile right now. Never to hear her laugh, her voice. Never to see her light eyes, that speak volumes of how she's feeling every minute of every second.

No. I can't let that happen.

No matter what I'm feeling for her, I can't let her leave me.

But it's quite ironic, really. Because one day, when she meets someone, she'll fall in love, and _then_ she'll leave me.

But that can wait. Yes, it can wait for a really _long _time.

x~x

It was a week before our upcoming school festival, where everything went downhill. I was minding my own business (ignoring girls pining for my affection especially after my break up with Neru, who was technically fun to be with, but I'm losing my money in texting her every second of the day we're together), when I bumped into a blonde girl. She apologized quickly, but I only nodded and went off.

It was a few seconds later when she started talking to me while trying to catch up with my pace. I tried to ignore her, because all I wanted to see was Rin. They were doing a cosplay café and she asked me for some assistance that it was hard to say no to. Not that I'd say no to her.

I sighed when this girl didn't stop talking. I then decided to stop her, by asking her name and number telling her 'I'd love to chat but I'm busy at the moment. Maybe next time' before making my quick escape.

I bumped into Rin, who was about to fall backwards by the force, when I grabbed her by the waist and steadied her in my arms.

She blushed then smiled at me prettily, and I just smiled back warmly at her. I kissed her forehead before making our way towards her room.

x~x

Of course, the meeting with that girl wasn't as planned. Her name was Lily, and out of all the girls that I pretended to date (since my friends are teasing me of not having a girlfriend and thus concluding I'm gay, which thankfully I'm not) and broke up with them a few weeks later, this girl was quite fun to be with.

She was pretty smart, unlike Rin who always asks me questions about this and that. She was also mature, knowing that she's twenty- two and a half, and quite old for me, which I'm only nineteen coming twenty this December, but somehow it didn't bother me. She was mysterious and calm, like she's the girl of me, only older.

And before I knew it, Rin was out of my life, out of my heart and Lily took that place.

But there was this nagging feeling at the back of my mind that's been telling me something. Yet I ignore it and went out to meet Lily once more.

x~x

It has been months since we've been together, and I'd say it was quite a long relationship, even for me. I'm rarely home nowadays, always being in Lily's apartment. Lilith didn't mind much, and Rin… well, she told me it was okay, but we haven't seen each other that much ever since I went out with her. With Lily.

And now that I think about it, I've been neglecting my sister.

The word _sister_ still left a bitter taste in my mouth every time I say it, or even think about it.

And before I could think of anything else regarding the matter, a pair of lips was sealed into mine.

x~x

It was three days after my twentieth, or should I say our twentieth, birthday, did I propose to Lily to marry me. Honestly speaking, I wasn't that much in love with her anymore, as if the love I'm feeling for was only for a sister.

I gulped down at the word.

But everyone else was expecting it, and we never really get into a fight or an understanding to break up, so I didn't have an excuse.

I took it like a man, and proposed. Lily was quiet for a moment, and I can see it in her eyes that she feels the same. We're not in love anymore. That is, not to each other.

But as much as obligated I am to do this, she's as much obligated to do her part, so she smiled and said yes.

I pretended to be happy, to be ecstatic with it, that I had told my darling love about it. She smiled, too, but I wondered why it was quite forced. Tears escaped her eyes as you congratulated me, and I was hoping that you would stop me, stop this nonsense. Hoping that somewhere within, you love me just as I love you.

But you said the reason behind the tears.

"I'm going to miss my little brother."

I didn't know what I hated more. Me calling you my sister, or you only seeing me as a "little brother". I tried to excuse myself before tears could escape my own eyes, because I didn't want you to see it and ruin everything for you.

x~x

Two months passed by so quickly, and now I'm going to be married. Lily confronted me about two weeks ago about our relationship, and asked me if I wanted to back out, I still have a chance. I told her the same, but I can see it in her eyes that it was not easy for her to do even though she wanted it as much as I do. To be free.

I told her who I love, and it was Rin. She said she wasn't surprised, because it wasn't that hard to love her, because she's so lovable, because she's so innocent and naïve, because she's _Rin_, and not Lily.

She also told whom she fell in love with, it was a guy named Dell Honne, whoever he is, but her love was quite unrequited just like mine. But hers was painful, too, because Dell is already engaged to a girl named Haku.

And, as you can see, we didn't know what to do.

I left my musings as Kaito told me it was time, and when I stood up, my feet felt like lead. Then Mikuo came in, asking Kaito to give us privacy for a few minutes, in which he gave us.

I looked at my best friend for eight years. He was taller than me for a few inches, but that's because he and his sister came from tall a tall family, so no wonder. He looked back at me, but with pain in his eyes. I questioned him, asking him what was wrong, if he's not feeling all right.

He shook his head, and whispered two words. _"Rin's gone_." And I didn't like it. Not the way he spoke it to me.

I asked him where she was, but he only closed his eyes and told me that the wedding is starting.

Before I could comprehend what had happened, Mikuo was already lying on the floor, a bruised left cheek with blood coming out in a thin line from the corner of his mouth.

I had punched him.

I had punched my best friend.

"Where is she?" I yelled, knowing that anger and worry was consuming me. If anything was wrong with my Rin, I'd never forgive him for not telling me. And I'd never forgive myself for not protecting her.

"She's in her room," Mikuo said quietly. I apologized softly before thanking him and going to find her.

It wasn't long before I reach our house, opening the door wildly and going up the stairs to her room.

I called out her name, desperately wanting her to answer back, that everything would be okay and what I assumed was wrong, that it was just my mind playing tricks with me. That's Rin's okay, and safe.

But it wasn't.

Because there she was, my eyes wide, lying on the floor. Her eyes were closed, and her lips were slightly turning blue. I immediately scooped her in my arms, waking her up.

She opened her eyes slowly, and tears were falling shamelessly down my cheeks and onto her face. She placed her weak hand on my cheek, wiping the tears away.

That's when I noticed cuts on her wrists. Both of them.

I asked her about it, but she only shook her head, then whispered that if I don't go now, Lily would be angry at me and might call off the wedding.

And I told her that that's what I wanted to happen, that I wanted to be with the real one I love.

And then I kissed her. So soft and gentle.

She didn't push me away. Quite the contrary, she kissed me back, weak as it was, she _kissed me back_.

"I love you Rin, more than you could ever know," I told her.

She smiled before eyes closed.

x~x

A/N: It's not yet finished, but I want it to end now. I'm sorry if this took long before I'm able to post it, but I lost internet connection for a few months and inspiration was nowhere in sight. Hope you enjoy this. Part two will come out… soon. Review :D


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